Howdy, y'all! Prepare for a rip-roaring ride through the Lone Star State as we unveil the absolute gems of humor dotting the Texan landscape. We're about to embark on an uproarious adventure, showcasing the top 40 side-splitting signs that have Texans and visitors alike gasping for breath from laughter.
From witty one-liners that'll make your belly ache to clever visual puns that'll have you doing double takes, these signs are the Texas-sized doses of hilarity you never knew you needed. So grab a cold one, and join us on a journey through the land of cowboy wit, where even the signs have a twinkle in their eye!
NEXT: This sign explains why 'packing heat' isn't welcome here!
Safety First in Our Store!
Texas, the land of unyielding spirit, was once an independent republic before joining the United States. That fierce pride and untamed independence still course through the veins of its people, shaping their culture and unwavering traditions.
In Texas, folks can strut around town with handguns, no license required. It's a Wild West dream come true! But one store isn't messing around. They've slapped up a sign, giving would-be customers a taste of the treatment they'd receive if they dared to ignore the rules. It's a sly reminder that even in this freedom-loving state, there are some lines you don't cross.
NEXT: This next sign guarantees some icy refreshment.
You'd Never Find a More Chilled Drink
Ah, the bliss of sipping on a chilled beer, where every gulp is an explosion of flavor and a delightful sensory experience. It's a tried and true path to beverage bliss. Picture a person strolling through downtown Palm Springs, California, nursing a broken heart, when out of nowhere, they stumble upon this sign.
Now, here's the twist—the sign belongs to The Fame Wine and Cigar Bar, but it exudes a certain Texan charm in its choice of messaging. Let's face it, there are certainly more gentle ways to promote ice-cold brews, right?
NEXT: Mom's deserve a bit of alcohol and this sign says as much.
Treat Mum to a Cold Drink
When it comes to spoiling Mom, El Arroyo knows just the trick—a refreshing margarita. Nestled in Austin, Texas, this Mexican restaurant is a magnet for laughter, thanks to its side-splitting signs that have folks chuckling even before they order a meal.
This gem of a sign playfully suggests that children might be the root cause of their mother's woes. But hey, let's not read too much into it, shall we? Instead, view it as a golden opportunity to treat Mom to some well-deserved quality time. After all, who could resist the allure of a top-notch margarita?
NEXT: This sign reveals the one thing Texans live and die for.
We Love Our Steak and We Can't Lie
This mouthwatering pyramid of culinary delights, proudly showcases the Lone Star State's favorites to anyone who cares to look. It all starts at the top with sizzling, juicy steak, cascading down to the indulgent pleasures of pecan pie and the creamy bliss of Blue Bell ice cream.
Need concrete proof of Texas' love affair with beef? Look no further than the legendary 72oz Steak Challenge. The Big Texan Steak Ranch in Amarillo has gained fame for this daring feat, inviting brave souls to conquer a colossal slab of meat within a limited time frame.
NEXT: Stay away or risk a law suit. This sign offers a choice.
Respect the Sign & Stay on This Side!
Unlike the average sign that gets straight to the point, this one goes the extra mile, meticulously outlining the consequences awaiting anyone brave enough to venture beyond the red gate.
Here's where it gets juicy. Imagine a slick lawyer armed with persuasive words sidestepping a lengthy lawsuit. The defense? Simple. Point out the sign's omission—the potential hazard lurking beyond. The absurdity of this so-called access control: a flimsy string as thin as a whisper that can be snipped with ease is also worth a mention. Either test fate or save yourself the trouble? It's an easy choice.
NEXT: The starter kit for every Austiner begins with this three.
No Baggy Pants Over Here
In the vibrant city of Austin, where queso is a sacred tradition and sipping on a Lone Star beer is practically a rite of passage, there's one place that perfectly embodies the Texas spirit.
According to the legendary El Arroyo sign, a true Austiner must pass three vital tests. First, indulge in the creamy delight of queso blanco, then savor the light and crisp taste of Texas' national beer, and finally, don the beloved tight pants. Interestingly, the first two challenges can be conquered here at this very restaurant.
NEXT: This sign guarantees a death sentence and answers to age-old philosophical questions.
Ignore the Sign and Discover the Answers Within!
Alright, time to tackle that mind-boggling topic we all ponder sooner or later—the great beyond. Questions about what awaits us after we kick the bucket are as common as a Texas sunset. It's the stuff that fuels religions and keeps philosophers pondering.
But here's the kicker: you don't need a Ph.D. in cosmic secrets to appreciate the sheer absurdity of this sign. According to this joker, if you're dying to find out if there's life after death, then dying might just be the surefire way to score the answers. Talk about putting your money where your tombstone is!
NEXT: This sign hints at the Texan edition of hot girl summer.
Summer and Summerer
Welcome to the Texas cycle of seasons! The winter, which spans December, January, and February, brings a dose of mild heat that would make folks from colder climates chuckle. Spring rolls in next, brightening up the next three months with vibrant blooms and pleasant temperatures.
Then comes the big player: summer. Brace yourself for the scorching heat of June, July, and August, where even the asphalt sweats. And just when one thinks they've had enough, fall saunters in, extending its warm embrace until November. Finally, December cools things down a notch, giving a breather before the wild ride begins again.
NEXT: Don't mess around with fathers. Not in Texas.
Papa Protectors Unite
It's no secret that fathers can be incredibly protective of their daughters and are often more willing to respond to their daughters' needs and emotions, going the extra mile to keep them safe.
Well, in the great state of Texas, where gun laws have their own flair, there's a sign that speaks volumes. It's a straightforward declaration that says, "Mess around and find out." And here's the kicker—the real danger isn't the guns themselves. It's the fierce determination of those watchful fathers who will do whatever it takes to protect their precious daughters.
NEXT: A soon-to-be inmate plans a sale.
Planning for an Extended Getaway Behind Bars
Time to unravel the mystery behind this oh-so-flimsy sign and revel in the delightful absurdity of it all. The mastermind behind this gem found themselves in a bit of a pickle, facing the inevitable consequences of some mischievous shenanigans. So, off they go to serve their time in the slammer.
And that's where the brilliant idea of a "going-to-jail sale" comes into play! This sign hints at a unique kind of sale while mischievously withholds any clues, leaving potential buyers in a state of curious anticipation. What kind of quirky goodies might be up for grabs?
NEXT: El Arroyo asks and the internet answers.
The Lego Pain League
El Arroyo's sign innocently poses the question of whether anything could be more agonizing than stepping on a Lego. Little did they know, the internet would latch onto this thought-provoking query with gusto.
Biting the inside of your mouth, stepping on doggie toys, or the excruciating sensation of a rogue headphone jack impaling an unsuspecting foot are equal contenders. Yet the list goes on, featuring bone-chilling encounters like a scooter's merciless side or the horror of stepping on a mysteriously wet spill while wearing socks in the dead of night.
NEXT: Find out the one item this bar doesn't have on the menu.
We Don't Offer Women as a Side Dish
Texans are known for their straightforwardness and have no time for beating around the bush. So, when customers begin to feel entitled to the time and attention of women they meet at bars or become overly fixated on female bartenders, this bar sign goes straight for the jugular.
The local brewers in Texas are renowned for creating standout brews that leave a lasting impression. So, despite the harsh reality check from this sign, loyal customers need not worry. All it takes to enjoy the finest handcrafted beverages that Texas has to offer is respecting boundaries.
NEXT: Buying nachos is about to get much tougher.
It's up to You What Your Nachos Look Like
Leave it to Texas to bring us a restaurant that takes nachos to a new level, basing their criteria on quirky standards such as the size of one's derriere. Now, let's dive into the delightful world of nachos—those irresistible cheesy chips that might not win any health awards but possess an irresistible, mouthwatering combination of flavors.
The originator of nachos recipe never bothered to lay claim to the recipe, allowing it to gracefully enter the public domain. This means that restaurants like the one we're talking about can put their own spin on this beloved snack.
NEXT: See the Texan take on vegetarianism.
A Different Kind of Vegetarian
To put it simply, vegetarians abstain from indulging in meat, fish, or any food derived from animals. Instead, their plates are filled with a vibrant assortment of fruits, vegetables, nuts, and grains.
Now, here's where things get amusingly Texan. This post serves as a gentle reminder that when it comes to meat, Texans wholeheartedly embrace their carnivorous nature. They love their steaks and BBQs with a passion that knows no bounds. So, while the rest of the world explores the vegetarian realm, Texans remain steadfast in their devotion to the smoky, savory wonders that only meat can offer.
NEXT: A foolproof formula for telling trucks apart from SUVs.
Telling Trucks and Suvs Apart
Texans have their keen eyes set on telling the difference between two seemingly similar vehicles. At first glance, the photos may look identical to the untrained eye, but buckle up, because we're about to delve into the captivating contrast.
The devil is in the details. SUVs with their slightly shorter wheelbase, lack the impressive towing capabilities that trucks proudly flaunt. Not to mention, SUVs tend to have less maneuverability, poorer fuel economy, and more modest seating capacities. It's like comparing apples to oranges—both delicious, but each with its unique flavor.
NEXT: Why yoga when you can queso? El Arroyo would like to know.
Your Last Chance to Grab a Treat
El Arroyo never lets go of its obsession with queso, and it's hard not to appreciate its dedication. They go above and beyond to remind the residents of Austin and its surrounding areas that their restaurant is a go-to destination for mouthwatering Mexican cuisine.
Yoga has gained popularity as an exercise that promotes vitality and helps maintain a balanced metabolism. And let's not forget the calming effect it has on the mind and spirit. So, here's a thought: why not fuel up with a satisfying bite at El Arroyo before hitting the yoga mat?
NEXT: When the speed limit is a mere suggestion.
Texas Rules Are More Carefree
When it comes to Texas roads, it's tempting to crack a joke about throwing caution out the window and embracing a wild, pedal-to-the-metal driving style. Legally speaking, the maximum speed limit is set at a reasonable 70 miles per hour. However, here's where things get interesting.
The Texas Transportation Commission can establish a maximum speed limit that goes beyond the standard so long as the highway is specifically designed to handle those speeds or authorized officials deem it safe and reasonable. So, maybe this sign's got a point!"
NEXT: Find out why Texans will never shut up about their state.
The Origin of Texas Superiority Complex
Texans wear their state pride like a badge of honor, plastering those iconic Lone Star stars on everything they can. And it's no wonder when you consider the sheer expanse of their beloved Texas.
If one were to superimpose Texas over the United Kingdom, it would swallow it whole and still have room to spare. Yep, the Lone Star State is so vast that it could engulf the entire UK, with all its bustling cities and charming countryside, and leave plenty of Texan territory to spare. Now that's what you call big sky country!
NEXT: Housing prices or this artiste, what's higher?
Putting Willie Nelson on the Spot
El Arroyo couldn't resist chiming in on the ever-increasing trend of house prices in the United States. Since the early 2000s, the median price of a house has been steadily climbing. Between 2014 and 2020 alone, a notable monthly increase of five percent was observed. It's no wonder El Arroyo had something to say about it.
Now, let's talk about Willie Nelson—the legendary musician, actor, and political activist whose former 150-acre Nashville estate sold for a whopping $2.14 million in 2023. But hold on, that's not the message this sign is teasing.
NEXT: Things to know before planning a tip to this town.
The Weather Follows No Rules
Nestled in the heart of Texas, Laredo boasts a unique cultural tapestry woven with threads of American and Mexican influences. With its historical significance as one of the oldest border crossings between the two nations, the city embraces its vibrant blend of traditions, flavors, and languages.
In Laredo, one might experience scorching summer heat that can make them crave a dip in the Rio Grande, followed by a sudden afternoon thunderstorm that rolls in with gusto. It's a wild ride of temperature swings and weather surprises that makes packing an umbrella and sunscreen a must-have.
NEXT: The one time alcohol and math make sense in the same sentence.
Mathematically Accurate Advice
At first glance, the numbers behind motor accidents in 2021 may send a chill down your spine. With over 40,000 lives tragically lost and a mind-boggling economic cost of $340 billion, the statistics paint a grim picture. But let's not forget the usual suspects: alcohol and speeding.
It's no secret that those two troublemakers are the leading causes of car crashes. So, leave it to El Arroyo to deliver a message with its own unique twist. Instead of a simple "Don't drink and drive," they bring in some mathematical flair to grab attention.
NEXT: This Town's mayor has a sense of humor and this sign is proof.
Inflated Numbers or Plain Genius?
Ah, Alpine, the "Eden of the West," as acclaimed by the observant journalist Enoch Worlanyo. This Texan gem boasts a rich genealogy that adds to its allure. But amidst all the charm and beauty, one can't help but chuckle at the mischievous nature of the town's mayor.
After presenting a list of impressive statistics, they chose to add them up and provide a total figure. Maybe it's a playful nod to the whimsical side of life or simply an inside joke known only to the mayor and their closest confidants. Whatever the reason, it adds an intriguing touch of mystery to this delightful Texan town.
NEXT: This sign guarantees psychic powers.
We've Got the Karate Skills You Need
While karate has become popular as a sport and self-defense technique, its essence goes far beyond mere combat skills. But is psychic karate actually a thing? It could simply be that the sign-maker is playfully suggesting the possibility of mastering the ability to predict an opponent's every move before they even make it.
It may also be a clever marketing ploy, aiming to capture the imagination of those seeking an edge in their martial arts journey. Whether it's a stroke of genius or a lighthearted jest, only time and intrigued enthusiasts will reveal its effectiveness.
NEXT: Ever seen tacos that resemble cat food?
The Best $1 Tacos
Tacos sure pack a serious caloric punch. We're talking potentially more than 60 grams of fat and a whopping 1500 calories in a single order. And that's just the baseline—once you start adding meat, cheese, and all the glorious fillings, those numbers can skyrocket.
Now, the folks at Saint Dane's Bar & Grille in Houston, Texas, are well aware of this fact. They may not promise a healthier taco option. But they do guarantee two things: affordability and presentation that won't make you mistake it for cat food.
NEXT: This restaurant wishes everyday was a federal holiday so they could stay closed.
We're Open, Boohoo
Welcome to the Magnolia Cafe, a charming fresh food cafe nestled in the heart of Austin, Texas. Open 24 hours a day, they cater to all brunch and pancake cravings with an expansive menu that goes beyond one's wildest breakfast dreams.
With a stellar rating on TripAdvisor, it's clear that their culinary delights leave patrons happy and satisfied. Now, why on earth would they apologize for being open to the public? It's a mystery that tickles our curious minds. Only the folks at Magnolia Cafe hold the answers to this puzzling conundrum.
NEXT: Decipher this absurd sign and win a prize.
What Does This Even Mean?
Imagine driving along a road and coming across this puzzling sign. One must be familiar with the concept of low-clearance signs to decipher its cryptic message. Typically, these signs inform drivers of the overhead clearance of bridges, overpasses, or other elevated structures, prompting taller vehicles to take alternative routes.
However, this particular sign throws a curveball. It defies convention by omitting any listed height, leaving drivers scratching their heads in confusion. Instead, it dangles precariously above a whimsical wired tassel, demanding attention. Its underlying warning is crystal clear—hit this, and you'll hit the bridge.
NEXT: This sign changes marketing tactics by asking invasive quesions.
Your Sign to Get a Logical Laser Treatment
When it comes to bidding farewell to unwanted body hair, it only makes sense to seek out the most efficient and wallet-friendly solution, right? Enter laser hair removal, the knight in shining armor for those tired of waxing, shaving, and plucking. It's like the superhero of hair removal methods, swooping in with unparalleled effectiveness and convenience.
Now, here's where it gets interesting. This business decided to cut to the chase and avoid beating around the bush. They simply ask, "Are you hairy?" If yes, what are you willing to do about it? Talk about getting straight to the point!
NEXT: This sassy sign emphasizes pool etiquette.
Keep It in Your Pants
In the realm of common sense, one would assume that a sign explicitly stating "Don't Pee in the Pool" is unnecessary. Yet, this is Texas we're talking about, where even the most obvious rules come with a generous serving of sass and sarcasm.
It's crucial to resist the temptation of relieving oneself in chlorinated waters. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention are adamant about this matter because when urine and chlorine intermingle, they create a chemical concoction that wreaks havoc on innocent eyes and diminishes the chlorine's germ-killing power.
NEXT: Meet the popular drink that has a hidden identity.
It's a Language Problem
In the realm of plant-based beverages, soymilk takes the spotlight. Originating in China as a traditional soybean-based protein drink, it has garnered worldwide popularity. But what's with the addition of "milk" to its name? Well, it's a clever way to imply that its protein content rivals that of cow milk, making it an appealing choice for many diets.
In its classic witty style, El Arroyo brings up an intriguing point that nobody really pondered. The Spanish word for soy is "soy," which loosely translates to "I am." So, in a whimsical twist, soy milk could be interpreted as "I am milk."
NEXT: El Arroyo chooses the next Bruce Wayne.
You Too Can Be Batman
Why settle for being yourself when you could be the iconic caped crusader? Ever since Batman made his big-screen debut in 1989, he's captured the hearts of fans worldwide. From the pages of comics to the silver screen, Bruce Wayne's alter ego has become a symbol of admiration and amusement.
Batman is not just a billionaire playboy. He's a masked vigilante fighting crime in the shadows. With his wealth, social connections, and unwavering dedication, he's the embodiment of every aspiring hero's dream. Perhaps it's time to unleash your own Gotham City crusade.
NEXT: Tone deaf or plain Texan humor? Rate this sign.
A Message to Vegans
In a world where plant-based living is gaining recognition for its health and environmental benefits, Texas continues to hold onto its love affair with meat. So, it's no surprise that a Texas-based restaurant would proudly display a sign like this.
The humor is undeniable, but let's dive deeper into the underlying message.
While going vegan may not solve all the world's problems, it does play a significant role in reducing animal cruelty. By embracing a plant-based lifestyle, individuals can help curb the demand for animal products, ultimately leading to fewer animals being bred for consumption.
NEXT: A friendly advice for tourists in Texas.
Welcome to Texas, Here's the Rules
A recent Forbes analysis revealed that Texas earned the unenviable title of having the worst drivers in the United States. The analysis considered various metrics, such as fatal accidents caused by drowsy drivers, wrong-way driving incidents, and driving on the wrong side of the road. Texas stood out from the rest, receiving a perfect 100 for its not-so-friendly driving practices.
So "driving friendly" takes on a whole new meaning that may not align with the typical notions of courteous driving. And that's exactly what this welcoming sign embodies.
NEXT: This attempt at road safety enforcement relies on religious humor and it works.
Respect Our Roads
Coming across this sign is an absolute riot, especially considering the 2023 Forbes report that dubbed Texas as one of the most treacherous places to navigate behind the wheel. It's no joke that the Lone Star State ranked third in the country for fatal car accidents caused by drunk drivers and ninth for deadly crashes involving distracted drivers.
With all that in mind, it seems the city of Hondo is taking a light-hearted approach to tackle the issue. Perhaps a little humor is just what we need to drive the message home and reduce those alarming statistics.
NEXT: An effective recipe to reduce frown lines. May involve travelling.
We Should All Have a Smile on Our Face
In the heart of Texas lies the charming town of Happy, famous for its reputation as a place where frowns are nowhere to be found. But Happy isn't just a name; it's a way of life in this vibrant community.
Surprisingly, studies show that facial expressions can profoundly impact one's well-being. Constant frowning can also trigger tension headaches and neck pain. So why not take a cue from the folks in Happy? A visit to this cheerful town might just be the perfect remedy for a gloomy day and a lesson in the power of a smile.
NEXT: Meet Brian, he's done a thing.
Giving Credit Where It's Due
Go on, Brian, take a bow for this clever self-promoting sign. But let's not forget that sign-making has a long history, one that even stumps historians. While tracing the exact origins of signs may be a challenge, they managed to uncover a remarkable discovery—the world's oldest signboard.
Deep in the heart of the Indus Valley civilization, the Dholavira signboard emerged as a fascinating relic. Unearthed by the diligent team from the Archaeological Survey of India in the 1990s, this ancient sign bears inscriptions that have yet to be deciphered.
NEXT: One of these things has a brain and this caution sign would like the brain to be used.
The Machine's Not as Smart as You
When it comes to machines and computers, it's easy to get caught up in technology and forget the importance of good old human intuition. This sign cuts right to the chase and reminds workers to use their brains, not just rely on the machine. After all, even the most advanced computers can't replace good old-fashioned common sense.
Such reminders are necessary for workplaces where machinery is involved, as staying alert and aware of potential hazards is crucial for everyone's safety. So, the next time you find yourself working alongside any machinery, remember this simple yet valuable message.
NEXT: Guess who's finally going to solve its own problems?
Step Up, Math!
Mathematics, the eternal nemesis of students everywhere. El Arroyo strikes gold with this relatable sign that captures everyone's disdain for numbers and equations. It's no wonder math can be such a challenge for many. Experts believe the sheer amount of rules and formulas to memorize can lead to anxiety and frustration.
The repetition can also make even the most patient souls grow weary and bored. Maybe it's time for math to take a page out of its own textbook and find a solution to its own problems.
NEXT: This sign needs a fool proof method to prevent choking when alone.
Urgent Answer Needed
In times of desperate need, it seems someone was compelled to pose this pressing question. And fear not, for we are here to provide the answer you seek. After all, choking hazards do not only occur when a crowd is present. So, can one perform the Heimlich maneuver when alone? Absolutely!
First, position a fist just above your navel. Then, with your other hand, firmly grasp your fist and lean over a sturdy surface. Now comes the critical part—thrust the fist inward and upward, applying pressure to help dislodge the pesky obstruction obstructing the airway.
NEXT: This sign may be triggering for gym bros, but in a fun, teasing way.
Save Your Exercise Tips for Someone Who Cares
Engaging in physical activity brings a plethora of benefits, like maintaining a healthy weight, increasing flexibility, and boosting blood circulation. It's even been proven to alleviate feelings of melancholy and anxiety while uplifting one's mood and those are all positive outcomes.\
However, a Mexican restaurant renowned for its mouthwatering offerings, including tacos and queso, understandably shies away from any talk about exercise. Let's be real. A commitment to a healthy lifestyle might dampen the enthusiasm for indulging in those delicious, calorie-laden treats—unless it's a designated cheat day, of course.
NEXT: A protracted lawsuit or peace of mind? This sign offers a simple choice.
Helicopter Hazard: Keep Your Distance for Safety's Sake!
The unmistakable whir of wings slicing through the air is always a dead giveaway that a chopper's in the vicinity. Yet it's never the engine playing the symphony of sound. Instead those mighty rotor blades spinning their magic are to thank for serenading us with that classic chopper hum.
Either way, this strategically planted sign is a "stay out, ya nosy bunch" kind of warning. See, if any trespassers dare to wander into the danger zone and find themselves worse for wear, the owner of this complex can simply point at the sign, shrug, and dodge any accusations of negligence. It's like a get-out-of-jail-free card, Texas style.